It's written on my blog, for everyone to see.

So, I thought the about me section wasn’t really big enough to fit all of me in it. :’)

So… my name is Cara, I’m 18 years old. I live in England (just so you can stalk me), there’s not a lot to do here and the guys that live here aren’t as amazing as you might think, most of them are chavvy nob heads. I go to college and do a Level 3 Extended Diploma in Animal Management. It’s pretty good, can’t complain really. I want to do zoology at uni or study animal behaviour, and during the summer I would like to participate in the Disney International College Program. It’s always been a dream of mine to work at Disney & doing this would also give me something to do during my summer. :’) When I’m older I want to work at SeaWorld in Orlando Florida or just in animal conservation. But I definitely want to move away from England. 

A common misconception about me is that I’m confident and I’m really not, it’s a front I put up so people don’t see that I’m incredibly shy. I’m not sure why I do it but, I always have. I think it’s because I’m scared people will see me as weak & I don’t like that. I try to avoid crying in public because I don’t like showing people that they’ve hurt me. That they have one over on me because I have this feeling that they are going to use it against me again and again. Apart from that, I’m quite a positive person & I try to find positives in everything because as much as we hate to admit, the positives usually out way the negatives, but we tend to only focus on the negatives, why I do not know. But it’s true.  

A big inspiration to me is Disney, not just the whole company but, Mr. Walter Elias Disney himself. The man is a true legend, he changed the way we make animation & films in general. Without him we probably would never have the great animated films we have now. You know Fantasia was created in 1940… the animation in that is just incredible, the way it flows with the music & the actual drawings. A lot of people would struggle trying to do that today. It’s just incredible. Oh & fun fact Walt actually attended McKinley High School, and he was also scared of mice… like I am, which makes me feel better about my phobia. People take the mick out of me for being scared of such an irrational thing as rodents but, I always go “Walt Disney was scared of them too, back off” :’). Another person that inspires me, & y’all are probably going to think I’m stupid but, this man really does inspire me a lot… it’s Darren Criss. He’s just an ordinary Disney freak like me & 5 years ago he was covering Disney songs on YouTube now, he’s just come off Broadway & is one of the biggest TV shows in the world. It’s crazy. I think one thing that inspires me the most about him, is the fact he doesn’t care what people think about him at all. He’ll act crazy, no matter who he is around & I really wish I had the confidence to do that. Also, he’s just so positive about life. Now, I have quite a positive out look on life but he really does put me to shame. He’s also helped me a lot, a few years ago I was very suicidal & his music (& McFly’s) kinda helped me through that incredibly rough stage of my life. So, I will always be forever grateful. Like, I will always be grateful for Alex Gaskarth. During my really rough stage of wanting to kill myself my friend forced me to properly listen to All Time Low & naturally I then had to watch every interview. Anyway, I was scrolling through something that Alex had said which went along the lines of “Don’t do it, no fan of mine will ever kill themselves, don’t do it, for me.” and it took me to read that to snap out of this weird spell. I owe Alex my life. Which is why I got a tattoo dedicated to him (and ATL & Peter Pan) which is here and I also got a tattoo dedicated to McFly, which is here

I enjoy being on my own, a little too much actually. I don’t get lost in my thoughts & drive myself to the point of insanity that much when I’m by myself, if anything I do it more when I’m with other people. I honest to God, don’t care what people think of me out in public however, I seem to care what friends/acquaintances think of me a lot more & when I’m with people that I know, I drive myself insane wondering how they see me. If I talk to them, will they think I’m annoying? I wonder if they like the way I dress? Do they think I’m ugly? Do they like my hair? <—-those are some of many questions I ask myself. I don’t know why I’m like this, I just am. I don’t enjoy that much human interaction, it scares me. And, then I wonder why I’ve never had a boyfriend, and never really kissed a boy. It’s because, I don’t know…probably if a psychiatrist saw this, I’d be sent straight to the loony bin (wearing a pale pink nighty …..[round of applause to you if you got the Busted reference]).

Boys are turds. I hate the power this one boy has over me. It’s not like I’m a weak person, he’s just eurgh. He’s beautiful & we are so similar & he does make me incredibly happy… but I hate him. I do I hate every little inch of him but at the same time I love him. And it’s these conflicting thoughts which are driving me to the point of insanity. And what’s making it worse is that I like other guys too but, I’m still not too sure on how I like them…some days it’s like I would just jump at the chance if they asked me out, other days I know I would say no because I appreciate our friendship more. It’s just ARGH. Anyway, all this has lead to my first statement, that boys are in fact turds. The End of that section.

Try harder. Be better. Stop being stupid. I wouldn’t mind if other people told me that, the fact that I think these things kills me. Well, not really kill me but. I don’t know. I’m so hard on myself, I’m my own worst enemy. Who needs an enemy, when I have myself? I actually hate myself. I really do. I hate that even though I work my hardest, I can barely pass my exams.